Blood, Love and Dispair
by MichellePomPom
Summary: Shinigami are created as punishment of people's suicide. You haven't meet many female Shinigami, haven't you? A girl, suicide, blood and dispair. Both the humans and the Shinigami will be shaken by the unexpected twist of fate of a mere girl.
1. Prologue

It was dark... So dark I could feel my breath freeze in the air... It is hopeless. I might just as well give up. Like everyone else gave up on me. I close my eyes and them watch the starless sky... It is done. It is the time for me to go... I am not sorry for what I did.

I have no regrets. Well, maybe one. How will I be able to tell him how much he means to me? I won't be able to hold his hand, to look into his eyes... Neither to touch that crimson hair, nor to enjoy his pat on the head... I know he never really loved me, but ...

Oh, no... The cold tears started falling down my cheeks. How did this happen? The truth is- I wish I could be killed by someone like him not like some Sissy-pansy full-of-himself idiot.

Now I see it: the swing of a gun in his hand... The way he rotates the barrel between his fingers... He likes it: the Look of horror on my face that dissapeared under a river of tears and sorrow. Filthy bastard... I hate him. I want him to suffer.

I hope he'll die the same way I will: miserably and merciless. I can hear the gun loading. I can feel it coming close to my forehead. It is there. The iron it sticked to my skin. He can do it from Any moment now. I inhale deeply and exhale. I am prepared.

Do it. Come on. Be the man that you think you are and have the guts to shoot this girl. I am ready to face my destiny. I just wish I could see him for the last time...

How did I end up in this situation? Oh- I remember: it was a night just like this... Now that I think about it, it seems more like a dream than a memory... Fading away... Slowly... Slowly... Swiftly flown away like a bird in the wind...

As I watched the snowflakes falling down from the dark sky, I inhaled once more and prepared for the impact. I listened how the gun pressed once more against my forehead and clenched my fist. One... Two... Three.

POW!

Losing counciousness, I kept my eyes open for a few seconds, trying to find the source of the last thing that I heard: a voice yelling... So familiar... And it was so close... He was here. My wish... Came true. My last wish on this Earth. I love him. I always wanted to tell him. Now I had the chance.

I felt how some hands grabbed my shoulders, and pressed my body against something soft and warm. A faint perfume tickled my nostrils. I couldn't move my limbs, but I tried raising my head to give him one last kiss on the forehead. As soon as my lips were less than half an inch close to his skin, I soflty whispered: "I... Love... You... Forgive... Me..."

After that, everything went black...


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The night's wind was biting through my veins as I was running through the town of London, unable to find my place… The sky was as black as the ink and no star could be seen. This December day was suddenly to become from joyful to sad.

I was running and running… Honestly I couldn't think of a place in which I should stop. I think I didn't even want to stop. I wanted to run all my problems away and as the wind blowed once more, I found myself falling onto the street's ground.

I rolled up to see the sky better… Ah~London! Such a beautiful view during the day and such a depressing place at night. In the corner of my eye I could see a broken window that was dangling open along with the air. It creaked like a gorgeous haunting song. London~the house of Queen, nobility and most important – the poor and downtrod. I knew I was part both of the first and the last class mentioned.

I stood up and tried to gather my thoughts, scattered on the ground along with my sweat. Looking at my arms, I observed that my plams were full of dirt and water. The sleeves were also dirty and wrecked. Why was I running again? Oh… yes… I remember now… Great.

I looked at the other side of the street. I could see the London Bridge. Perfect. This is the perfect place. I started walking towards it. I knew what I had to do. As my body moved closer to the rocky path of the bridge, I examinated my breath. Fearfull. Unstoppable. Shattered. All these things were the perfect ways to describe the feelings rolling inside of me.

I stepped on it. At the other end, under the pavement, was something hidden. Of course I knoew that because I hid it there.

I lifted a part of the pavement and revealed a small sack. It was full of soil… I rapidly searched thorugh it and finally found the two objects that I was looking for. Firstly came out a piece of old paper. Several words and phrases were written on it. Still, I could only manage to read those three words that haunted me since I was a child: "God doesn't exist".

I wanted to hold the other object inside the sack. My fingers came across something made of metal., heavy and sculpted here and there. I lifted up. This was the night. I knew it. I knew that this day would come sooner or later. I remember why I ran away:

The fear of doing something wrong, the multiple times I sold myself for that little amount of money to keep me alive, the way those people looked at me as the were burning my back with iron, how lonely I felt all these years, how even love deceived me… And still, people knew me as "the happy girl", unaware of my secret life and sorrow.

Nobody knew how I felt… No… Not nobody… He… He knew. He knew all along and still decided to be with me. He accepted my secret life and cherished our life together. I was finally picked up from the dirty streets of London and able to meet even the Queen! But… But… How all the nice fairytales should be, mine finished too.

I remember… Coming home from "work" and finding him, drunk, with one of my co-workers… I couldn't stand it. Why God, why did you do this to me!? This iron thinghy… I used it one time to end my beloved's life. Maybe if I use it too we will meet again and be able to apologise… No, I bet he is in heaven right now… But I… I…

Hmpf… Whatever. Let's get this done. I am not afraid anymore. I am not afraid of closing my eyes. I am not afraid of pain and humiliation. I will be free. I will finally be able to see the sky cleared and breathe the fresh air of the morning without anyone asking m e to do otherwise. I will be FREE!

1…

2…

3…

 _The town of London was covered with a weird noise. In the night of celebrating Christ's Birth, a gunshot was heard in the distance. The sky suddenly shuttered and few snowflakes started covering the face of the once known as "Amelie Thorney" or, as the gentlemen would know her, Rose Anne-Marie._

 _A few moments after the incident, the blood surrounding Amelie's wavy hazel hair was disturbed by a man's shoes. He picked her up, gently and carefully, and looked at the snow falling on her closed eyes. The wind blowed some strands of hair away from her face, revealing the pale cheeks, once filled with the fire of life._

" _I never thought that my job would ever include taking care of this… I have more important thing to do than other people's business… I will let him know my opinion about this and give him extra paperwork for this disrespectful manner of ignoring the tasks…"_

 _The air was as cold as the man's green eyes, and the city of London as stiff and dark as the frames of his glasses. He turned slowly around as about to leave when…_

" _Williaaaaaaaaaaaaam! My, my, you are running away from me?" said a voice that the fisrt man was so familiar with._

" _Mr. Sutcliff, I do not recall being my business to do you job… Now, if you exceuse me…"_

" _Awww… Will, you are always sooo stiff!" said the voice once more._

 _Another man, with long, red hair approached the man with black frames._

" _If you took your time to search for me, then here – take this and take it to the dispatch" said tha man named William, handing over to the redhead Amelie's body._

" _W… What? But… I wanted to stay with you… Nd maybe stargazing toghe…"_

" _No."_

" _Oh, come on, you always do this!"_

" _I would very much appreciate if you would take care of taking that thing to the dispatch and then returning to taking care of your own business, Mr. Sutcliff."_

" _But…"_

 _William turned around to face the crimson haired man._

" _Listen to me. I will not tolerate another duty being slacked off! I will let the headmasters hear about it next time."_

" _Fine… But… UGH! SHE IS COVERED IN BLOOD! SHE WILL RUIN MY OUTFIT!"_

" _Don't complain. Now go."_

" _Pshh…"_

 _And with a high jump, the man named by the other "Mr. Sutcliff" jumped on one of the London's roofs and was not seen again._

 _Now alone, William fixed his frames on his nose. He took out a little notebook and with a small pancil that was inside of it, he started searching through a list of names. Near the "Amelie Thorney", he stopped and wrote "COLLECTED". He gave out a troubled sigh and started walking away just like he came the first time, leaving behind a pool of blood._

 _He took another step and accidentally kicked something with the foot. It was a gun. He lifted it up and put it inside of his pockets. Around the trigger was wrapped the paper on which was written "God doesn't exist"._

" _Hm… well this should be an interesting subject. I will personally take care to do its job as good as possible."_

… _._

The snow was falling on my face. Before passing out into the land of souls, I could hear one last thing: _"SHE WILL RUIN MY OUTFIT!"_ . Then, the next thing I knoew was that a light was calling me and trying to chase it uncontrollably, I found myself being stuck between the light and dark…


	3. Chapter 2

Before the chapter starts: The thing with the Shinigami being 'born" as neutral beings that were once humans who commited suicide is stated in the Kuroshitsuji manga, chapter 105, page 12 :3 Sorry if I didn't say that in the past teehee! Enjoy the update!

Chapter 2

The light…

I am feeling as I am in a tunnel of darkness… The walls are trying to suffocate me as I am trying to reach for the light at the end… It seems like it may be impossible, but as a mere human being, I struggle with all my might, clinging onto that piece of hope.

But… I did it all myself. I pulled the trigger and therefore, I should be able to accept my fate. But, as my breath was fading little by little, I realized that I wasn't running because I wanted to keep being alive… But more, I wanted to reach Heaven.

Who am I kidding? I will never be able to reach Heaven. If I could describe my past in only one word it would be "sin". Also, God doesn't exit. So, what am I supposed to do now?

I stopped running. All my life I ran and ran and ran. I am sick of it. Not even in the sweet dream of death I cannot escape. If it is that I am stuck in here and crushed by the dark then so be it. I do not care anymore.

I've put my hands on my face and started crying. Only that, there were no tears. I couldn't hear my scream. It was empty silence. The absolute. The infinity. Space and time collided together. However, I felt as something was calling me. It wasn't a voice. More like… an energy…

I looked around me, but, there was no one there! The energy made itself more and more powerful and present like before. Finally, I looked up.

A hand, was descending from the infinite, reaching out to me. A hand that had a white glove on it, and some red droplets pouring down its fingers. Subcounciously, I reached out to it too. But it seemed that it was too far away. I stood up, but it was futile.

Finally, I started jumping towards it. Though again, it didn't make a difference. After many trials, my feet made one more effort: I jumped as high as I could, remembering a moment when I tried to climb the window to my room so than nobody would see me.

And I reached it!

That hand catched me and kept me dangling in the air for some seconds.

As I was about to ask "Who are you?" the limb started pushing me upwards fast. I screamed. And as the slience began to fade, I could hear my shriek, being slowly, slowly louder until I felt like I could go deaf.

A light appeared before me and for a second I thought I may go blind. But it wasn't like this.

…

"AAAAHHH!" I screamed as I stood up rapidly.

"Oh, my. It seems you finally came to your senses." Said a male voice.

"W…What…H..appened?" I muttered.

"Just stay still, ok?" and I felt two arms pushing me gently down.

My head felt something very comfortable. A pillow? Am I in a hospital? Did I survive? But…But…

I looked around and I saw a tall man, with brown glasses and green eye, hazel hair and a white robe looking at me. He suddenly took out a device similar to a pen that flashed a little light and put it into my eye.

"W… What are you doing?" I rapidly pushed him away.

I started freaking out as I didn't know what the heck is going on.

"Now, don't be so reckless. I understand that you have no idea about what happened, but if you will let me finish consulting you, everything will be better, alright?"

"Uhm… I guess…"

Afterall, what could I do? I needed ansxwers and as far as I was concerned, this man knew them.

"So" the man continued "do you remember your name?"

"I… I don't know…"

"Try to remember."

"A… Something with an "A" I guess… Ann… No. Aman… No… Ame…"

"Yes, continue…"

"A…me…lie?"

"Good. It's good that you remember. Your last name?"

"Amelie… THORNEY! I AM AMELIE THORNEY! THAT'S ME!"

"Alright I get it…"

"So… Do you have any idea of where could you be right now?"

"Hea..ven? Maybe?"

The man giggled. "And what makes you say that?"

"Well, this surely doesn't look like Hell…"

"And don't you think that this could be a neutral world, neither in the Heaven, nor Hell?"  
"Not as far as I'm concerned."

"My dear, I am afraid that you are totally wrong. Although, humans tend to be quite reserved in telling stories about neutral parts. It is the armies that fight eachother that are interesting, afterall."

"What?"

"Darling, this is a different world. It doesn't really have a name. But the people here are called 'Shinigami', do you understand?"

"Shi-ni-ga-mi."

"That's right!"

"And what am I doing here?"

"Well, this is because you killed yourself, my dear."

"Killed…Myself… Yes, I remember, although my memories are quite blurry."

"That's perfectly normal. Oh my~I almost forgot. Someone is here to pick you up!"

"?"

The man opened the door and there, in the doorway, stood another man, also with green eyes. It was so unusual to firstly observe the eyes of the people here… He also had his raven hair perfectly combed and a pair of black frames were standing on the bridge of his nose. In his hand, was a book, not too big, with not so many pages.

I suddenly observed that I was staring so I directed my sight somewhere else. As soon as I did that, the stranger began to speak:

"My name is William T. Spears. I will assist you at your training and then evaluate you at the exams. So, please, prepare yourself and I will lead you to your temporary dorm."

"Uhm… Yes."

I wanted to stood up from the bed I was into, but I felt like it was a little cold so I shivered. When I looked down to see where to put my foot, I saw that I wasn't wearing an usual attire. I was dressed up in a short, white and silky robe, with a red liquid pouring down from the part of my stomach. Because I was taken by surprise, I started screaming…

"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I am bleeding and I am almost nakeeeed! Whaaaa~"

William put his hand on his forehead and gave a deep sigh as I kept whining like a little child.

He turned to the other man and gave him a deathly glare.

"You did it again, didn't you?"

"I just couldn't help myself… hehe."

"Give. Her. A. Normal. ATTIRE!" growled the raven-haired man.

I received a knee-length dress to rapidly change.

Still sobbing, I turned around and lifted my white robe. When it uncovered my stomach, I saw that there was nothing there and that the red liquid was not, in fact, blood from my body… I sniffed two or three times and quickly changed into the dress. It looked more like a nightgown than a day-dress.

"Are you done?" said the man named William.

"Y…Yes."

Then appeared another problem: when I looked in their direction, the men appeared blurry and couldn't see them.

"Now I am BLIND!? WHAAAA~~~"

"Don't cry, my dear, said the man with a white robe. Here. Wear these. I wondered when the nearsightning would appear!"

He handed me a pair of glasses. Their frames were… PINK!? Wha…? Okay, that officially was misogynistic. But I quite liked them… I don't know why…

"Thanks."

"Let's go." Said William turning around and starting to leave."

"W…WAIT!"

I ran after him on the hallway, trying to keep up with his pace.

In the past, I've always wanted to live a wonderful adventure – to do something uniqe with my life. Little did I know that the biggest adventure will start after my death…


End file.
